


Kill la Kill AU XLV: Aikuro Babysits

by Amoridere



Series: Kill la Kill Alternate Universe [15]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Babysitting, Fluff and Crack, On Hiatus, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:26:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ragyo and Soichiro go on a vacation, leaving Aikuro to watch the kids while they're gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

Mom and Dad just had to go away for a little while and our other relatives were too busy to look after us, along with the fact that Dad isn't too trusting of his brothers and that Mom has that stoner cousin, along with great aunt apparently going senile, Rei isn't allowed to babysit us 'cause of the "beer run incident" and the fact that she is drunk almost all the time, along with the fact that she was passed out in her puke as they were deciding, and the Makanshokus are out of town working, which left Aikurou or staying over at our friend's house and we all know how that is gonna work, especially since that one time (she's like how old?! Too damn old to be wearing that tacky dress, that's for sure), so that left Aikurou and Aikurou it was.

As they were leaving to catch their flight, they kissed us each goodbye and ran down a list of dos and don'ts, giving him a pages long list for rest of them, with Mom saying, "We could publish a manual with this list. Anyway, bye-bye Mommy's little sweethearts and remember to behave!" They were out and that was that, leaving us with Schoolteacher Aikurou. 


	2. Rule #1: Naps Are Best Undisturbed

A general rule of thumb is that whenever Ryuu takes one of her little cat naps, she is best left alone or else. By "or else", that can be anything, ranging from a tantrum and throwing things or her blowing up and landing punches or both, in which or either cases, neither would be good. However, if she was too sleepy to care, then she'd just scream and whine like Shinseiji does, before going back to sleep. Of course, Schoolteacher Aikurou accidentally woke her up, which made her run to where he was and slug 'im in his nuts. He hadn't been here for two hours and already he gets slugged in the nuts. Nui ran to him and said, "Go hide in your car and wait till she calms down, dude." However, we all ended up hiding in that car until Ryuu lost enough interest to go back to her room, get in bed and under her covers, and go back to sleep.

After the pain of getting slugged in 'is nuts healed, he asked, "Is that normal or....?" to which Sats said, "Yes, yes, it is. One of the rules is that naps are best undisturbed, unless it is relevent for them to be, in which case, it had better be due reason, although, Ryuu is known for being a tad erratic and calming her down would be a challenge. Fortunately, she usually sleeps deeply and isn't that heavy, so you should be able to move her without waking her. If you do wake her, try singing her a lullaby or something." Once again, two hours later, he accidentally woke her and tried one of Satsuki's suggestions. It did it's job and she went back to her room.

A set of ear protectors would be nice.

 


	3. Rule #2: Get to Know the Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be noted, if there is any French being used, it might be hella wrong and grammatically incorrect because I am not a native or learned French speaker, so I used a translator.

To be honest, I haven't interacted with the kids too much, although, I figured it would be best for us to get to know one another so we wouldn't have too many mishaps. From what I could observe, Mako was, well, weird, yet she has a big heart, Nui's a deviant little shit who gets a kick out of messing with people, Satsuki, while wise, is often quiet and reserved, preferring to be ignored rather than be bothered, Ryuuko is really, in my opinion, a stubborn and rebellious hothead who would pull a gun and throw a tantrum at the slightest provocation, yet underneath was a total sweetheart, who be delighted if someone or something made her smile, and then we have Shinseiji, a baby, who does whatever. Be noted this is what I've observed and from what I was told.

As I was healing from being slugged in the nuts and while I was getting settled in, I found Mako watching me. According to Satsuki, when Mako decides she's friends with someone, they don't get much a say in the matter and she was right, as Mako decided to follow me around. She did that for awhile before being a bit more direct, saying, "I wish to teach you my ways, as you are designated, Schoolteacher student." Naturally, after having been a teacher for at least a few years, I didn't decline, as I had grown tired of "normal' kids. She was a really weird sort who liked to drink an ass-load of ginger ale and use dances and gestures as communication. It took about an hour or two to learn. Once she was done with "teaching", she decided to show her room. Her room was rather messy and was mostly cleared away from the door and her bed. On the walls were pictures, both photographs and drawn, and letters from her parents. She also showed me her soup can collection, which was nicely organized based on size, how many dents it might have, and color. She sent me on my merry way when she was satisfied.

As I left her room, I heard Lulickma's _"[PoPoPo-N Is Dead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtVWdY7QYAU)"_ and Satsuki yelling, "Nui, turn that music down before you wake up Ryuu!" Of course, Sats was also banging on a door, with a pink bow on it. I assumed that to be Nui's room and I found myself correct when Nui swung open the door and smacked her in the head, saying, "Vous n'êtes pas maman!" to which Satsuki responded, "I don't care, turn that music down!"

"Juste parce que vous êtes plus âgé que moi ne signifie pas que je ai à vous écouter et je peux jouer ma musique aussi fort que je veux!"

"There are other people in this house besides you, you know!"

"Et ainsi..?"

"And so, nothing! Have a a little respect for those around you and turn down your goddamned J-Core!"

"Va te faire foutre , con, je vais faire ce que je veux , quand je veux , et je vais avoir ma musique se place aussi fort comme un défaut!"

"Wow, just wow, call your big sister the C-word and tell her 'fuck you'. That's cool, I don't care, I'll just tell Mom and Dad when they call us on Oovoo!"

"Oh , dites-leur , salope aux cheveux gris vous laide!"

"If I'm ugly, then you're ugly, too, because we have the same parents."

"D'accord, alors , vous êtes plus laid que moi!"

"Here's an ultimatum for you then, you pig in a pink dress! Either you turn it down or I'll take your stereo away!"

"Encore une fois, vous n'êtes pas maman! Aussi, si vous touchez tant que peine ma chaîne , je shove mon pied dans le cul!"

After that, Satsuki threw her hands up and went back to her business. From what I already knew, fights between the two were frequent and, apparently, Nui took to arguing with her sister in French, the which she knew she could understand, yet she argued with her in that language just to fuck with her. After arguing with her sister, she looked over at me, smiled, and said, "Bonjour instituteur, bienvenue à Kiryuin manoir~!" Before she could say anything else, she found herself silenced by Ryuuko materializing out of nowhere and punching her in the lip, yelling, "I'M TRYIN' TO NAP~!" As quickly as she came, Ryuuko retreated suddenly but Nui complied, saying, "Hmmph, si petite sœur veut faire une sieste, alors peut-être qu'elle devrait utiliser une paire de bouchons d'oreille."

Taking a glance into her room, I knew she was quite the girly girl, although she was still a deviant and mean little shit. However, after conversing with her for a little while, I found she was rather caring, especially toward Ryuuko, to whom she worries about, especially since Ryuuko had not too long ago recovered from an illness that put her in the hospital, along with the fact that, due to being in and out of the hospital and frequent illness, she had been little besides melancholic. When our conversation finished, she said, "Oh yeah, watch for Senketsu." I was confused about what she had said but I didn't question further and figured perhaps that "Senketsu" was a pet or an imaginary friend.

Think about what Nui said, I decided to go and find Ryuu before I had found some weird looking whatever the hell it was. Didn't know what to call besides the fact it had acted somewhat like a dog, weird as hell looking dog. It looked at me for a second before scurrying away and into a room. Naturally, I followed it and found it being petting by a familiar face, Ryuu's. From that implication, it was her pet. As she was petting it, she looked up and said, "This is Senketsu and he usually doesn't bite."

"Um, what is he?"

"A shape-shifting something and he turns into just about anything. When he wants to hide and the PTA meets here, he turns into a uniform and, most of time, he looks like what you see now."

"How did he get to be your pet?"

"Crawled out of Dad's lab one time and started to follow me around."

"Okay, is he friendly?"

"It depends."

"What do you usually do besides nap and take care of your pet?"

"Well, whatever comes to pass, I guess. Sometimes, I count how many years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, milliseconds, and nanoseconds I've lived and how many more I have left."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Well, it's something I've started doing, being in and out of the hospital, while doctors squeeze money out of my parents and play a game of craps with my life, along with the fact that Death will have me some day."

"And you accept that?"

"No, not really, no, then again it's the truth, isn't it? A life being spent in and out of hospitals, attached to medicines and machines, and having doctors squeeze money out of you or loved ones, while playing craps with your life doesn't really have a lot of promise and its more like living attached to an hourglass, where the sand runs out, and you can't do jackshit about it. To be honest, death will have been a sweet release. If death means peace and happiness, then I don't want to go attached to machines and medicines. "

"Oh, Ryuu, listen, even if your time on this earth be short, you should be enjoying it, not counting how much of it is left. You're funny one, you know? You speak of death as though it is another day that the wind blows, yet, a lot of times you were so critically ill and, when we all thought you wouldn't make it, you pulled through, telling the grim reaper to try again another day, hell, your organs should have failed due to septicemia and the doctors overseas were baffled as to how they didn't and the fact that you should have died from running a fever of 112 degrees for about four days. The fact that you didn't is what makes it obvious is that you have something deep within you that you never did think you have. You're a rebellious one, rebelling against the hands of fate and, when it seemed it was the end, you pulled your IVs as a way of showing how you preferred to go, facing death, and, at one point, got into a fistfight with the nurse who used to throw punches at you for your IVs falling out when your parents weren't around and took that bitch down in front of the whole ward, despite being so ill with a lung infection that you couldn't talk. "

_"That was so cool!"_

"See? Rather than musing on your own mortality, you should be thinking about now and, if you let your crapass health run your life, you won't really be able to enjoy what time you do have. Knowing that Death will come is what makes life enjoyable and it reminds us that we should make every moment count, not jumping off the deep end, but living each day as though it'd your last. Now, if you think you won't be missed, well, you're hella wrong, as you are loved by those who really know you. Sure, you may have been a pain in the ass but they love you anyway and would be beyond heartbroken if you died."

**_*SNIFF!*_ **

"Really?"

"Yes, really, and there's a smile."

She had thrown her arms around me, whispering, "Thank you, Aikurou." Feeling sleepy, she went back to cuddling Senketsu, falling asleep after. Noticing how peaceful she looked, it hadn't taken me too much longer to realized another reason to why she slept so much. I left her alone, finding Satsuki probing the bookshelf, turning to me briefly to say, "Perhaps, I could read you a story." I didn't decline, as she read to me a few chapters of _Catcher in the Rye_ and then thanked me for my time, asking if we could have lunch together tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter being late but the damned computer erased my damned document for like I think the fifth or fourth time, so I had to retype it, sorry about that


	4. Rule #3: Only Two Beers Allowed

Schoolteacher Aikurou not only was babysitting us, no, he was also babysitting Rei and that is because Rei sure as hell can't make her own goddamn decisions for the better, which is why she allowed two beers a day and that's it. Of course, Sunnie's a drillbit and she'd try to get more than two, in which case she would be drunk off of her ass and passed out in her own puke, again. Good thing Mommy keeps the beer and the liquor under lock and key with only two beers in the fridge and the fact that Aikurou isn't a fool and would be quick to enforce it.

"I'm the babysitter and I can't even have one beer, so you can't have more than two!" he said, to which she responded, "You can suck my taint! Give me another beer or else I'll kick you in the nuts." He responded by kicking the table and moving the TV out of the way and taking the pictures off of the walls, saying, "You want a fight, now you're gonna get one. LADY'S FIRST!" After taking a few hits, Aikurou slugged her in the boob, to which she said, "Alright, ya' little grey blue-haired bastard, you win this round."

That happened often, except that one time he managed to shut her up, by saying, "If you get more than two beers, you're going to wish that being passed out unconscious from alcohol poisoning put you in the hospital, instead of Ragyo." She didn't trouble him again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually might come back and rewrite this chapter, add onto to it or something


	5. Rule #4: No Making Fun of Each Other

Sats sometimes likes to sit in one corner of room her and cry. She was doing that today, 'cause Noogie needs to slugged in the mouth. Mommy of mine told us more than once that Sats cannot control the fact that she has grey hair and it wasn't like it wasn't obvious since Sats stopped dying it back to black. Of course, like I said, Noogie needs to be slugged in the mouth, then again, I suppose harsh words are better than the two trying to rip one another apart like rabid dogs, yet, I don't like really when Sats is sittin' in a corner crying and Noogie is probably wearing a shit-eating grin on her face. The two don't get along much, so her crying in that corner of her room was normal, though that doesn't mean it should be. 

However, Kurou seemed to think so, too, and went to ask her what was the matter. At first, Sats didn't want to open up but she did, telling him about how Nui makes fun of those patches of silver in her hair and how much it hurts. "I haven't done anything to her, warranting such treatment, yet she does that anyway." she said, curling up more. I don't know too much of all what they talked about but Kurou did call Nui and the both of them together. 

Nui looked sulky as hell but Sats seemed to be okay after that.


End file.
